he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
