I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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