so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
