I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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