giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Randomize
