Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm like, not good at living.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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