I'm gonna have a badass scar
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
