Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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