wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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