All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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