Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
