I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Drake has all the answers
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize