i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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