im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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