i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
