Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
