He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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