its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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