God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
