Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
