I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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