You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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