I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
