Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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