Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
