Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
