If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
