Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
