Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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