well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
