i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
