I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
