shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
