Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
