on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
