How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
