Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He shit in the fireplace
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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