that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
