Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
