What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
