Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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