I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
