now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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