I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
