OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
