I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
