I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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