How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
