my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Can you bring me the toilet please
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
