u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
