well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can text with my tongue
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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