My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize