Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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