now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
