it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
