Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we made out on top of his cat.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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