I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
