i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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