New low: just hacked my moms facebook
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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