the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
