Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
