Jerry, you need to find god
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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