omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
