im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
