if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
