this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
