u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
